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03 October 2009 @ 01:53 pm
 
there's the world behind my closed eyes.

puck. (puck/quinn. puck/rachel. puck/lima [the town])

when he dreams, he remembers all the things he wishes he could forget.



Most nights he dreams of music.

There’s always something with glaring lights and voices he can not let go of.

And when he wakes, his neck wet and his eyes dry.

He tells himself it’s all better this way, then that way.

It’s almost the truth.

------

Some nights he dreams of his father.

There were three things Andrew Puckerman taught him.

[one] The feel of pigskin under his fingers.

(the smell of sweat and weathered skin, calloused fingers over little ones. like this noah, look where you’re throwing. )

[two] Fear of the dark.

(he wakes to the dim street light dusted room and the screams of parents that would not end. he always remembers the sound of the door when his father left.)

[three] Once a Lima Loser always a Lima Loser.

(He just wanted what golden boy Finn had. A slim body girlfriend that’d scheme and destroy just for him.)

But when he opens his eyes, it’s years and days and months after. Quinn is gone and so is Andrew.

Pigskin feels rough and the dark has fallen to shadows.

He smirks and grins and pretends it’s all he’s ever wanted.

------

On Thursdays he dreams of a girl.

Dark eyed and pink.

She’s his or he’s hers.

Her name is Dawn, because when he thinks of her, it’s always sunshine and beginnings.

She has her mother’s lips and her Grandmother’s ears.

She has Andrew’s slow easy grin.

He loves her, wants to teach her about the world outside the limits and tell her tales of dry arrid places, worlds of such wonderful things that when she’s old, she’ll never stay in this town.

He sees her in pink and yellow. And she’s the best of anything he’s done.

But when the light comes, she’s dust.

He fingers his phone and thinks of calling anyone.

But Quinn’s still gone, long past the Welcome sign and even if she wasn’t, what could he say.

Thursday’s are his worst day. Because he doesn’t pretend and he feels his bones heavy under his skin. The world always seems like the night he heard the door slam. His eyes reaching for any light.

Dawn never came.

-------

He almost never dreams of Rachel.

She’s, instead, hidden behind the shadows.

Behind his closed eyes he does not see those sweaty summer nights, when Finn had been to angry and Quinn had been to sad, when he needed and wanted and there she was.

With her proper skirts and superior outrage.

But she’d seen his eyes.

He kissed her to forget, there was no Dawn, no place to go. There was just here and a dead life that no one but they knew about.

She didn’t push him away. Not after the back and forth and sideways of Finn.

She was tired and he was empty.

Sex was what he was good at, and maybe it was all he was good for.

One night led to others. And more and sometimes, when she didn’t open her mouth, he wanted to tell her everything.

In moments, seconds before she’d throw her head back with a murmured ‘i hate you’, he wanted to let her down and show her the little clothes he’d bought, the bear that was brown and soft and beautiful. He wanted her fingers to glide in his hair. And for that second, before she’d shudder and fall, he wanted to lay his face in her shoulder and weep.

He didn’t and she’d come and he’d grin and hate her too.

Because she wasn’t Quinn.

And when he’d kiss her again, her mouth warm and moist and hard, he didn’t feel bad.

Because she wasn’t Quinn.

He rolls and watches the light sink in from the window.

He thinks of calling her, somewhere in that dirty New York morning, telling her he’s sorry.

He can’t remember anymore why it is he’s sorry.

For Dawn and Quinn.

For the look I Finn’s eyes when he knew the truth.

For the bareness of her back and the shame at his lies.

But he’s here with the rest of the Lima Losers wasting away into the dust and background.

Instead he sleeps.

And he dreams.
 
 
 
Kiss Kiss Bang: live what you lovekiss_bang_xo on October 3rd, 2009 11:52 pm (UTC)
Puck Quinn and Puck Rachel you spoil me Ley! ♥♥♥

uber sleepy but will read tomorrow! for sure ♥

must watch merlin too ... oh what a joy full day
glitter is blueglitterisblue on October 6th, 2009 01:00 am (UTC)
I'm SO a Puck/Rachel shipper now!
loved this! :D
butterflybee260: pic#92281008butterflybee260 on October 6th, 2009 06:22 am (UTC)

Oh man, I love this. <3
aliyahgrace1 on November 23rd, 2009 07:28 am (UTC)
I like your writing. Can you friend me? Thanks :)